on working from home

anyone in the office? oh no, not me, i'm barely awake, to be honest. still booting up my brain, resetting from the weekend. mondays, am i right?! besides, pollen count is looking high, and the forecast is singing thunderstorms again — i’d rather not have to deal with the hayfever or the asthma or people or conversations or the expectation from others that i be friendly and chit-chat and grab lunch together. i’m all for easing into another week from the comfort of our homes, i’m sure it’ll be a hectic one again. well, alright, shall we do a quick whip-around of what we’re all working on today?

morning! beautiful day, absolutely gorgeous weather after yesterday. we've skipped from winter straight to summer, haven't we? make sure you all get a chance to get up from your desks and go for a walk today — i sure will be, if i can snatch a whisper of time between meetings. sadly my calendar is back-to-back calls today, that's why i haven't made it in. yeah, i know most people are in today, but no point being in the office when i’ll have to be tucked into a booth with my headset on anyway, right? silly. and besides, i’m waiting for a parcel today, you know how it is, i’d rather be home than have to make the hike to the post office. but absolutely, yes, i'll be in later in the week, let's get that coffee then —

oh, you're all in! not me today, no. i have a stakeholder meeting at eleven and i'm fairly sure they're going to ream me out again, even though my hands are tied, even though i’m doing my best anyway — so yeah, gotta be at home, so that i can run to my bathroom, then splay out on the rug in my living room to recover, without having to worry about colleagues witnessing how soggy my face, how raggedy my breath gets when i'm having a crisis of confidence. don't want my supervisors to realise how damn incompetent i am, how little experience i actually have in navigating these conversations, who the fuck thought it'd be a good idea to let me be a manager? haha. don't worry, i'll be fine. happens all the time, honestly,

so, i haven't made it to the office today, can we do our catch up another day? sorry! i woke up at three in the morning again, had another fucking dream about being chased, then couldn't get back to sleep because my head and neck has been killing me lately — so yeah, feeling pretty gnarly, i've only just rolled out of bed. oh, don't worry, i'm okay, this isn't unusual for me, i have fight or flight dreams most nights, and a rubber band tightened around my crown all the damn time. i just forgot to take my sleeping meds last night, forgot to pop an extra nurofen, that's all. thanks, i'm hoping for a better night's sleep tonight too. see you next week?

hello, so good to hear from you! i know, it’s been forever. oh yeah, i was planning to go in too, but honestly, just not feeling my best today — a little dead inside, yet also like my heart is a burning stone wedged in my chest, plus i haven’t washed my hair in days, and now that the weather’s getting humid i don’t even know what i’d wear. no, it’s okay, i’m fine to work, absolutely fine to sit at my laptop and type stupid emails and skim-read briefs and sign tasks off, i do have just enough spark for the morning team check-in. i’m fine to do all that, as long as i can sneak little naps and snacks every hour or so, as long as i don’t have to put big-girl pants on or sit upright or eat a proper lunch or be presentable and cheery and reassuring. it’s just leaving the house that i can’t manage, the short walk (i know, it’s a luxury to live so bloody close!), interacting with coworkers not just as a virtual presence but as a soul trapped in a flesh prison. well, lovely to chat, have a good weekend